SENO
Story Submitted by: Chad
Submitted: July 15, 2012
"Naughty Fate (Love is enough supposedly)
7:45pm
Sitting on a couch while she lies on my lap together we watch her favorite telenovela that I started to love. Our eldest Xette is doing assignment (she’s 1st year high school now) while Rhen our son is playing his much loved robot that we once bought in MOA and our youngest Quinky who is 1 years old is sleeping like an angle on her comfy blush pink bed.
- - - Reality - - -
Actually, I’m 31 years old happy, contented single dad at this time, after 10 years of being an OFW (Yah, after I graduated I find my luck abroad & soul searching na rin) I could not ask for more. I think I’ve earned enough. Napag tapos ko ng college dalawa kung kapatid and I have my daughter who is still studying in a private school. By the way just call me Dile.
5 months ago when I decided to settle down in the Philippines and reject another 5 years contract in Australia. Not a practical choice I know, but I was always a simple living man who only wanted to have a simple life and that’s why I live frugally.
I’m working in Makati now I got a job offer even when I was still in Australia (nag apply na kasi ako online) as expected I was hired though I haven’t gone to personal interview at that time. (May karanasan na daw kasi, Singapore at Australia pa)
Year 2000 I was still 19 years old 4th student in one of the prestigious university in Quezon City taking Mechanical engineering.
Middle at that year when my girlfriend gave birth and leave our duagther to my care; for she said she’s not yet ready to be a mom (di pa daw sya nagsasawa sa pagiging dalaga) well can’t blame her she has a reason, for the past 3 years sakin lang umikot buhay nya so as mine, it was so painful for me because I truly love her and that in fact she was part of my plan that after I graduated I will marry her. Well thing didn’t work out as what I planned. She graduated college pero kami pa rin I mean we still in touch because of our daughter well to be fare I never engage myself to anybody, may anak na kasi ako at hirap ng kurso ko di pa naman ako matalino masyado.
When my daughter turns 1, I also graduated and decided to try my luck overseas. This time there was a twist since I already given my “girlfriend” a year of living a single life. Before I left I ask her to take responsibility of Xette anyway I will send allotment monthly, which she first hesitate but she was forced to agree later on.
Life was not that easy away from home (as expected kahit lalaki akong tao, napapa iyak ako gabi-gabi) how I miss my daughter, family and my life way back. Later on natutunan ko na ring mamuhay na trabaho at bahay lamang since I was still culture shocked, di nagtagal I happen to engage myself in some community ayun sa wakas I was able to fit in. 18 months na pala ang nagdaan since I last kissed and hugged my daughter how I badly miss her pero yung love ko sa “girlfriend” ko? wala mas dry pa sa desyerto ika nga. Summer 2002 when I first had a leave vacation from my work it’s a month leave, that time I truly realize that I don’t love my “girlfriend” anymore. But before I came back to Singapore she told me she will still wait for me & hope when I came back everything will back to what it used to be. (To be fair naman, nung wala ako di naman daw sya nagka boyfriend, well I don’t care to mind at all)
2003 April
Yearly na ako umuuwi, tulad ng dati andun yung mother ng anak ko (Hoping) pero wala eh sadyang wala na akong maramdaman ni spark wala na. December same year when I met someone si Shandy pinay din, she’s a nurse, single, maganda, matangkad, morena, sexy at mabait. It all started as friendship hanggang sa I finally pursue her. Naging kami accept nya ang anak ko but some things are not really meant to be kahit pa walang mga kumplikasyon along our sweet romance it didn’t last that long we broke up with acceptance.
2004 February
I met her she was introduced by Shandy’s cousin (yah, my X) tindi ng dating ng babaeng to, napaka open sa feelings nya, wala pang isang lingo when we first met abay sabi nya crush niya ako. Kabaliktaran sya ni Shandy Maputi sya, di nga lang sexy lamang pa nya ang salitang chubby pero she has the looks. Opppsss… not to mention ako nga pala physically? 5’8 , makinis , medyo light skin, hindi muskulado pero I’m one of those so called my impact at appeal. So to make it short HINDI daw kami bagay ni Mirah. ALAM na ALAM ko yun.
Pero mapaglaro ang tadhana, nahulog na rin ang loob ko kay Mirah, after 3 months ng pagpapa cute nya sakin niligawan ko na rin sya but kahit pa lantaran na alam ng karamihan na like nya ako 2 months pa bago niya ako sinagot formally at naging officially US. 2 months ng relationship namin so far it was ok, kahit pa alam ko, madalas syang ma insecure sa mga babaing lumalandi sakin lalo na mga Singaporean but I assure her na pinay pa rin ang tipo ko. The good thing then is that maunawain sya at napaka mature sa buhay. But end of that year Christmas is up coming pa naman un expectedly due to global crisis na apektuhan ang company ni Mirah at isa sya sa 7 Filipino na na lay off sa trabaho, which means kailangan niyang umuwi sa pinas since it was stated to their contract that they will return to place of re-embarkation sa kung ano man ang mangyari. We were both sadden, di namin lubos akalain (but we both made a promise and sa kaunaunagang pagkakataon na banggit ko sa kanya na pakakasal kami pag dating ng araw, I don’t know where it came from pero nasabi ko lang malamang mahal ko na nga sya di ko lang lubos batid) Nauwi na nga sya sa pinas at sa awa naman ng diyos naka hanap sya ng work as a Head Production at Quality Control sa isang sikat na watch brand.
2005
Since yearly naman akong umuuwi, so ito na nga ang pinaka asam asam namin ni Mirah, without her knowledge di ko pina alam sa kanya ang exact date ng dating ko, I really surprise her, pumunta ako sa office nya well, lahat ng kababaihan kilig sa nangyari sa araw na yun with matching flowers pa kasi even her self since maputi sya pulang pula di lang pisngi pati buong katawan. Hindi ko pa personal na pinakilala si Mirah sa family ko, but they know it already sa awa ng diyos approve naman sa kanila. Ako naman on her family lucky me tanggap nila ako pati anak ko though worry din sila para sa anak nila kasi they know na ang nanay ni Xette is existing at single pa rin. Mahigit 1 year na rin kami ni Mirah pero honestly hindi ko pa sya ginagalaw marahil siguro sa walang lugar or I just really respect her that much.
2006-2008
Kami pa rin ni Mirah thanks to skype and to her walang sawang long distance call sya sakin. Yearly pa rin akong umuuwi at bawat uwi surprise sa kanya iba-ibang eksena. Andun yun kunwari pinapupunta sya ng boss nya sa office dahil sa palpak ( thanks to her boss, naging friend ko dahil na rin sa pasalubong kong wine sa kanya kaya naging kasabwat ko sya) Andun yung kinakasabwat ko si pareng Coi (officemate nya matanda lang ng 4 years samin) so this is it sabi ko sa sarili ko, ito na ang babaing gusto kong makasama sa pang habang buhay. I propose to her it did made her cry even her parents timing ko kasing mag propose na kumpleto family niya to show how sincere I am. Of course dumating na sa point na intimate na relationship namin may nagyayari na evrytime na umuuwi ako, sabi ko pa nga na mag contraceptives sya at baka mabuntis abay gustong gusto naman nya ng mapadali daw ang kasal namin. That’s what I like her, hindi nya pinoproblema ang mga bagay-bagay. She’s the one who makes me relax every time nag papanic ako sa buhay. Before I left to Singapore sabi ko sa kanya na pakakasal kami first quarter of 2009 at mag se-settle down na ako sa pinas for good na. I Forget to mention, syempre si Xette ang anak ko ayaw pa nya kay Mirah it’s because she still hope na kami pa rin ng mommy nya, but later on natutunan na rin nyang tanggapin ang existence ni Mirah since yung mommy naman nya ay may boyfriend na thru chat nga lang, yah sikat satin yan eh.
Pagbalik ko ng Singapore same year 2008, same pa rin Skype, long distance call. Until September 2008, my mother got terribly sick since ako lang inaasahan sa family ko natural sakin lahat-lahat kasi yun mga kapatid ko naman nag-aaral pa at that time. Kaliwat kanan na utang pero hindi ko ginalaw ang savings ko para sa kasal naming ni Mirah it’s not that I love Mirah most than mother but ewan something inside of me don’t want to touch that money.
Mirah knows lahat ng pangyayari she even volunteer to help in watching over my mom, but I reject it since malayo bahay nya at bahay ko plus ayaw kong maapektuhan work niya.
All of the sudden nawalan ako ng gana, hanggang sa I lost contact with Mirah not instantly but gradually, hindi na ako nakaka pag leave or reply sa mga offline messages niya. Hindi na rin kami nakaka pag skype kasi panay overtime ko to add some income pati mga long distance calls nya madalang ko na ring masagot. Dumating pa sa point na she send me a mail ang haba, ang puno’t dulo? Anong problema bakit daw ako nag bago kung meron na bang iba. Again I didn’t answer. Ewan hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan ang sarili ko at that time nawalan ako ng gana, my mother was getting well, sumunod naman ang mga bayarin sa school ng mga siblings ko pati si Xette dami na ring bayarin. Because of what happen, I was financially un-stable. I apply for a job in Australia ginamit ko ang pera na nilaan ko sa kasal namin ni Mirah. Natanggap ako for a 3 years contract, so instead of having my annual vacation in Philippines sa Australia ang destination ko.
Along those 3 years, wala akong balita sa nangyayari sa pinas lalo na kay Mirah, maliban na lang sa family ko but I told them not to mention anything to me about kay Mirah marahil dahil guilty ako sa ginawa ko, naglaho na parang bula. I was so mean I know.
February 5, 2012, Dumating ako na kabado sa pinas excited na rin kasi ga-graduate na salutatorian ang anak ko next month. Dalaga na si Xette she’s turning into a young beautiful lady pero daddy’s girl pa rin yung mommy nya nasa New York na pala last 2 years ago nagkatuluyan sila ng ka chat mate niya dati how happy I am for her.
February 13, 2012 Monday, I find myself waking up early feel kong ihatid si Xette sa school nya at Makita na rin ang crush nya yah, may crush na anak ko. I was wearing a plain light green Lacoste polo shirt, Levis na maong kinda faded (it’s an old one 2007 pa ata toh, Ma2 still keeps it) and a dark brown leather shoes. Pag labas ko sa kwrato ko si Pa2 nasa baba, may dalang pandesal na binili sa naglalako sa labas ng subdivision namin. He look at me from downstairs sabi nya “Dile anak, ang gwapo mo sa suot mo, magkikita ba kayo ni Mirah?” whow! It really blows me, di ko alam how I look like at that time pero si Xette ang nagpabalik ng kulay sa mukha ko. She was from behind muntik pa nga akong mahulog sa hagdanan, thanks to her anyway. “Daddski, may show ka dito sa stairs? Baba na please hindi pa me nag be-breakfast past 6:30am na I’ll be late” that was Xette.
On our way to her school, my right hand were on my daughter’s shoulder I know how happy she was at that time pang 7 na beses ko pa lang kasi siyang nahahatid sa school since nag kinder sya. Kaya after I send her sa gate, I decided to fetch her later in the afternoon. Pag uwi ko nag bahay, medyo naiinip ako malayo pa ang 5pm, wala pang lunch time nagpa alam ako kina Ma2 at Pa2 na sa labas kumain since kasi ng dumating ako 2 beses pa lang ako nakalalabas Sunday kahapon nag simba kami mag-anak at ngayon hinatid si Xette.
Yun pa rin suot ko, I find myself riding a jeepney that leads to MRT halos naliligo ako ng pawis kahit pa di naman masyadong punoan sa loob ng MRT, paghinto sa may Ayala station halos hindi ko maihakbang mga paa ko palabas, kung di pa ako tinulak ng ali sa likod ko na nagmamadali.
I choose to walk than taking a taxi to my destination, habang naglalakad hindi ako mapakali, parang bumakat pa ata ang pawis ko sa kilikili. But finally I was in front of a building where my heart feel at ease. Naka pasok naman ako dahil sumabay ako sa isang employee na pumasok. I was so full when I left home pero bakit parang walang laman tiyan ko habang nasa loob ako ng elevator.
6th floor, dami ng nagbago sa office, buti na lang may dala akong existing ID naka pasok ako, I never expect she will still be working here. I still recognize some faces sila? Kilala pa rin ako they were shock for a moment but later that they smile (me? keep walking, oy c pareng Coi di pa rin nag babago, ayun naka upo when he turn his head up to me he was in hesitant to me but after he recover such shock ayun kinamayan ako at konting kamustahan, nagpa alam na rin ako since di naman talaga siya ang sadya ko.
After I knock “Pasok!” A vice from inside, how I miss that voice (she has a nice voice nga pala, kumakanta sya before yun din isang asset niya)
Pagpasok ko, hindi ko pa nasilayan maamo niyang mukha, naka side view kasi sya doing something in here PC, when the swivel turn facing me I never expect her reaction. God! she lose weight , mga 4-5 kls din.
“Hey, Dile ikaw pala, anong atin?” si Mirah casual na reaction as in no bitterness.
Nabuhayan ako ng loob.
“Mirah, kumusta ka na? nahihiya ko pang tanong.
“Well, ito halos mabutas na upoan sa ka uupo sa mga nagdaang taon, nga pala I can’t hang up to you too long may meeting kasi ako around 2:00pm eh, ito nga’t till now di pa done mga documents na e-prepresent. Can you excuse me?” Palingon lingon pa sya sa PC nya, pero walang kurap na tungon nya sakin.
“Sorry Mirah, wrong timing pala ako, can we at least meet some other time?” mahiya-hiya ko pang tanong.
“Sure-sure, bukas mga dinner time, wag mo na akong sunduin kita na lang tayo sa Ayala Triangle Gardens, tawagan na lang, by the way I didn’t change my number hope you still have it” sigla niyang sagot.
I paint a wide smile on her “yup I do as always” then I temporarily bid goodbye.
Ang saya ko, I even do a high five with pareng Coi nung lumabas ako sa office ni Mirah.
Di na ako umuwi ng bahay, bagkos nag tambay na lang ako sa Glorietta habang hinihintay ko ang uwi ni Xette.
Sa bahay at that night, di ako mapa kali, di ko alam kung ano sasabihin kay Mirah bukas basta isa lang alam ko, I will be honest na lang sa kung ano man.
Kinabukasan aga ko ulit nagising ihahatid ko uli ang aking unica hija, mahirap na mukhang crush din kasi siya nung crush niya sa school (hahaha) over protective dad ako. Masigla ako that morning silang lahat napansin nila yun, but I never said anything saka na lang kung ok na ulit lahat.
Hindi ko na sinundo si Xette ayaw ko kasing ma late sa usapan namin ni Mirah, I txt her sabi ko I will wait in Wee Nam Kee restaurant. Nag reply pa siya na bat daw an gaga ko, o yeah it’s still quarter to six. Pag pasok ko sa resto wala masyadong tao, well di pa dinner time kasi tsaka it’s Tuesday at malayo pa ang sahoran. (hehehe) 10 minutes before 7pm, Mirah came in she’s pretty yeah ngayon ko lang lalong na silayan mukha niya sabagay medyo chubby kasi siya noon. Napaka simple pa rin nya at mukhang galing pa office naka uniform pa eh. I wave my hand. Lumakad siya going to my direction.
Nag ka-ilangan pa kami at first but finally nag beso-beso na rin kami as usual.
As tulad ng dati noon pa man gentlemen na talaga ako, I pull the chair for her, she smile so wide… I hand her 3 paper bags mga pasalubong (oo, sa mga nag daang panahon pag bumibili ako ng pasalubong sa family ko, included sya, di ko nga lang pina pa package) She just said Thank you and smile so sweet.
God! how I miss it, pinagmamasdan ko lang sya mga a couple of seconds then she broke the silence by saying,
“Thanks God Dile, buhay ka pa pala, well anyway gutom na ako, so order muna tayo baka mag chismisan” sabay tawa.
Tahimik lang ako, siya na ang tumawag sa waiter, di pa rin matao.
“Mirah, I’m so sorry” lakas loob kung sabi while trying to reach for her hand.
Iniwas ni Mirah kamay nya sabay sabi “Let’s eat first, baka mawala pa both appetite natin sa pagkain if mag MMK tayo ngayon”
I respect her, panay pindot nya sa iPad nya, work daw pa minsan minsan naman may nag me-message sa kanya sa iPhone nya.
Finally dumating order namin at natapos na rin kaming mag dessert.
Ako na naunang magsalita sinabi ko lahat2.
“Sa madaling salita, ginusto mong mag mukha akong tanga dahil sa tingin mo hindi ko maiiintindihan ang lahat ng pinag dadaanan mo. Dile, kung sinabi mong maghintay ako kahit 5 o 10 taon pa, gagawin ko dahil mahal kita at handa ako sa ano mang consequences na dumating. Or marahil you can’t see yourself settling down with an ugly duckling like me. Pero sadyang hindi lang talaga panahon natin Dile, ok na rin kasi ako 1 year after you left me, someone still spend a little care for me, hindi sya nag sawang makinig sa mga dalamhati ko sayo until I risk my feelings. Mahal pa rin kita Dile at alam niya yan kahit ikakasal na kami alam niya na may kahati pa rin siya sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya. I am so lucky to have him, pero kahit nandito ka na ulit I will not risk again, dahil YOU KNOW ME, I won’t make mistake twice for same reason”. – mahaba niyang salaysay.
Naiwan akong naka tingin lang sa kanya at that night matagal bago ko nakuha ang tama kong pag iisip.
July 7, 2012 4:15pm
Kaya ito ako ngayon tualala naka tingin sa di kalayuan dahil halos tapat lang ako sa simbahan na kung saan pinangarap kong ikasal kasama si Mirah It’s Saturday today, I should be partying walang pasok but instead I choose to tolerate my lonesome. Si Mirah, she will walk down the aisle tomorrow July 8, 2012 with my so-called PARENG COI (yung ka officemate niya)
Kung hindi ko lang hinayaang sunduin ang EWAN kong damdamin sa mga panahong iyon, marahil hindi niyo ito mababasa ngayon, pero sadyang mapag laro ang tadhana & unfortunately I was not able to play my cards wisely. Sa ngayon isa lang alam ko, tagumpay man ako sa aking buhay ngunit talunan ako sa pag-ibig marahil sa ngayon. Pero aasa pa rin ako na may taong naka takda sa akin at kung dumating ang araw na iyon, Panginoon na ang bahala kung ano man naka sulat sa aking tadhana.
"
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Story Submitted by: Chad
Submitted: July 15, 2012
"Naughty Fate (Love is enough supposedly)
7:45pm
Sitting on a couch while she lies on my lap together we watch her favorite telenovela that I started to love. Our eldest Xette is doing assignment (she’s 1st year high school now) while Rhen our son is playing his much loved robot that we once bought in MOA and our youngest Quinky who is 1 years old is sleeping like an angle on her comfy blush pink bed.
- - - Reality - - -
Actually, I’m 31 years old happy, contented single dad at this time, after 10 years of being an OFW (Yah, after I graduated I find my luck abroad & soul searching na rin) I could not ask for more. I think I’ve earned enough. Napag tapos ko ng college dalawa kung kapatid and I have my daughter who is still studying in a private school. By the way just call me Dile.
5 months ago when I decided to settle down in the Philippines and reject another 5 years contract in Australia. Not a practical choice I know, but I was always a simple living man who only wanted to have a simple life and that’s why I live frugally.
I’m working in Makati now I got a job offer even when I was still in Australia (nag apply na kasi ako online) as expected I was hired though I haven’t gone to personal interview at that time. (May karanasan na daw kasi, Singapore at Australia pa)
Year 2000 I was still 19 years old 4th student in one of the prestigious university in Quezon City taking Mechanical engineering.
Middle at that year when my girlfriend gave birth and leave our duagther to my care; for she said she’s not yet ready to be a mom (di pa daw sya nagsasawa sa pagiging dalaga) well can’t blame her she has a reason, for the past 3 years sakin lang umikot buhay nya so as mine, it was so painful for me because I truly love her and that in fact she was part of my plan that after I graduated I will marry her. Well thing didn’t work out as what I planned. She graduated college pero kami pa rin I mean we still in touch because of our daughter well to be fare I never engage myself to anybody, may anak na kasi ako at hirap ng kurso ko di pa naman ako matalino masyado.
When my daughter turns 1, I also graduated and decided to try my luck overseas. This time there was a twist since I already given my “girlfriend” a year of living a single life. Before I left I ask her to take responsibility of Xette anyway I will send allotment monthly, which she first hesitate but she was forced to agree later on.
Life was not that easy away from home (as expected kahit lalaki akong tao, napapa iyak ako gabi-gabi) how I miss my daughter, family and my life way back. Later on natutunan ko na ring mamuhay na trabaho at bahay lamang since I was still culture shocked, di nagtagal I happen to engage myself in some community ayun sa wakas I was able to fit in. 18 months na pala ang nagdaan since I last kissed and hugged my daughter how I badly miss her pero yung love ko sa “girlfriend” ko? wala mas dry pa sa desyerto ika nga. Summer 2002 when I first had a leave vacation from my work it’s a month leave, that time I truly realize that I don’t love my “girlfriend” anymore. But before I came back to Singapore she told me she will still wait for me & hope when I came back everything will back to what it used to be. (To be fair naman, nung wala ako di naman daw sya nagka boyfriend, well I don’t care to mind at all)
2003 April
Yearly na ako umuuwi, tulad ng dati andun yung mother ng anak ko (Hoping) pero wala eh sadyang wala na akong maramdaman ni spark wala na. December same year when I met someone si Shandy pinay din, she’s a nurse, single, maganda, matangkad, morena, sexy at mabait. It all started as friendship hanggang sa I finally pursue her. Naging kami accept nya ang anak ko but some things are not really meant to be kahit pa walang mga kumplikasyon along our sweet romance it didn’t last that long we broke up with acceptance.
2004 February
I met her she was introduced by Shandy’s cousin (yah, my X) tindi ng dating ng babaeng to, napaka open sa feelings nya, wala pang isang lingo when we first met abay sabi nya crush niya ako. Kabaliktaran sya ni Shandy Maputi sya, di nga lang sexy lamang pa nya ang salitang chubby pero she has the looks. Opppsss… not to mention ako nga pala physically? 5’8 , makinis , medyo light skin, hindi muskulado pero I’m one of those so called my impact at appeal. So to make it short HINDI daw kami bagay ni Mirah. ALAM na ALAM ko yun.
Pero mapaglaro ang tadhana, nahulog na rin ang loob ko kay Mirah, after 3 months ng pagpapa cute nya sakin niligawan ko na rin sya but kahit pa lantaran na alam ng karamihan na like nya ako 2 months pa bago niya ako sinagot formally at naging officially US. 2 months ng relationship namin so far it was ok, kahit pa alam ko, madalas syang ma insecure sa mga babaing lumalandi sakin lalo na mga Singaporean but I assure her na pinay pa rin ang tipo ko. The good thing then is that maunawain sya at napaka mature sa buhay. But end of that year Christmas is up coming pa naman un expectedly due to global crisis na apektuhan ang company ni Mirah at isa sya sa 7 Filipino na na lay off sa trabaho, which means kailangan niyang umuwi sa pinas since it was stated to their contract that they will return to place of re-embarkation sa kung ano man ang mangyari. We were both sadden, di namin lubos akalain (but we both made a promise and sa kaunaunagang pagkakataon na banggit ko sa kanya na pakakasal kami pag dating ng araw, I don’t know where it came from pero nasabi ko lang malamang mahal ko na nga sya di ko lang lubos batid) Nauwi na nga sya sa pinas at sa awa naman ng diyos naka hanap sya ng work as a Head Production at Quality Control sa isang sikat na watch brand.
2005
Since yearly naman akong umuuwi, so ito na nga ang pinaka asam asam namin ni Mirah, without her knowledge di ko pina alam sa kanya ang exact date ng dating ko, I really surprise her, pumunta ako sa office nya well, lahat ng kababaihan kilig sa nangyari sa araw na yun with matching flowers pa kasi even her self since maputi sya pulang pula di lang pisngi pati buong katawan. Hindi ko pa personal na pinakilala si Mirah sa family ko, but they know it already sa awa ng diyos approve naman sa kanila. Ako naman on her family lucky me tanggap nila ako pati anak ko though worry din sila para sa anak nila kasi they know na ang nanay ni Xette is existing at single pa rin. Mahigit 1 year na rin kami ni Mirah pero honestly hindi ko pa sya ginagalaw marahil siguro sa walang lugar or I just really respect her that much.
2006-2008
Kami pa rin ni Mirah thanks to skype and to her walang sawang long distance call sya sakin. Yearly pa rin akong umuuwi at bawat uwi surprise sa kanya iba-ibang eksena. Andun yun kunwari pinapupunta sya ng boss nya sa office dahil sa palpak ( thanks to her boss, naging friend ko dahil na rin sa pasalubong kong wine sa kanya kaya naging kasabwat ko sya) Andun yung kinakasabwat ko si pareng Coi (officemate nya matanda lang ng 4 years samin) so this is it sabi ko sa sarili ko, ito na ang babaing gusto kong makasama sa pang habang buhay. I propose to her it did made her cry even her parents timing ko kasing mag propose na kumpleto family niya to show how sincere I am. Of course dumating na sa point na intimate na relationship namin may nagyayari na evrytime na umuuwi ako, sabi ko pa nga na mag contraceptives sya at baka mabuntis abay gustong gusto naman nya ng mapadali daw ang kasal namin. That’s what I like her, hindi nya pinoproblema ang mga bagay-bagay. She’s the one who makes me relax every time nag papanic ako sa buhay. Before I left to Singapore sabi ko sa kanya na pakakasal kami first quarter of 2009 at mag se-settle down na ako sa pinas for good na. I Forget to mention, syempre si Xette ang anak ko ayaw pa nya kay Mirah it’s because she still hope na kami pa rin ng mommy nya, but later on natutunan na rin nyang tanggapin ang existence ni Mirah since yung mommy naman nya ay may boyfriend na thru chat nga lang, yah sikat satin yan eh.
Pagbalik ko ng Singapore same year 2008, same pa rin Skype, long distance call. Until September 2008, my mother got terribly sick since ako lang inaasahan sa family ko natural sakin lahat-lahat kasi yun mga kapatid ko naman nag-aaral pa at that time. Kaliwat kanan na utang pero hindi ko ginalaw ang savings ko para sa kasal naming ni Mirah it’s not that I love Mirah most than mother but ewan something inside of me don’t want to touch that money.
Mirah knows lahat ng pangyayari she even volunteer to help in watching over my mom, but I reject it since malayo bahay nya at bahay ko plus ayaw kong maapektuhan work niya.
All of the sudden nawalan ako ng gana, hanggang sa I lost contact with Mirah not instantly but gradually, hindi na ako nakaka pag leave or reply sa mga offline messages niya. Hindi na rin kami nakaka pag skype kasi panay overtime ko to add some income pati mga long distance calls nya madalang ko na ring masagot. Dumating pa sa point na she send me a mail ang haba, ang puno’t dulo? Anong problema bakit daw ako nag bago kung meron na bang iba. Again I didn’t answer. Ewan hindi ko lang talaga maintindihan ang sarili ko at that time nawalan ako ng gana, my mother was getting well, sumunod naman ang mga bayarin sa school ng mga siblings ko pati si Xette dami na ring bayarin. Because of what happen, I was financially un-stable. I apply for a job in Australia ginamit ko ang pera na nilaan ko sa kasal namin ni Mirah. Natanggap ako for a 3 years contract, so instead of having my annual vacation in Philippines sa Australia ang destination ko.
Along those 3 years, wala akong balita sa nangyayari sa pinas lalo na kay Mirah, maliban na lang sa family ko but I told them not to mention anything to me about kay Mirah marahil dahil guilty ako sa ginawa ko, naglaho na parang bula. I was so mean I know.
February 5, 2012, Dumating ako na kabado sa pinas excited na rin kasi ga-graduate na salutatorian ang anak ko next month. Dalaga na si Xette she’s turning into a young beautiful lady pero daddy’s girl pa rin yung mommy nya nasa New York na pala last 2 years ago nagkatuluyan sila ng ka chat mate niya dati how happy I am for her.
February 13, 2012 Monday, I find myself waking up early feel kong ihatid si Xette sa school nya at Makita na rin ang crush nya yah, may crush na anak ko. I was wearing a plain light green Lacoste polo shirt, Levis na maong kinda faded (it’s an old one 2007 pa ata toh, Ma2 still keeps it) and a dark brown leather shoes. Pag labas ko sa kwrato ko si Pa2 nasa baba, may dalang pandesal na binili sa naglalako sa labas ng subdivision namin. He look at me from downstairs sabi nya “Dile anak, ang gwapo mo sa suot mo, magkikita ba kayo ni Mirah?” whow! It really blows me, di ko alam how I look like at that time pero si Xette ang nagpabalik ng kulay sa mukha ko. She was from behind muntik pa nga akong mahulog sa hagdanan, thanks to her anyway. “Daddski, may show ka dito sa stairs? Baba na please hindi pa me nag be-breakfast past 6:30am na I’ll be late” that was Xette.
On our way to her school, my right hand were on my daughter’s shoulder I know how happy she was at that time pang 7 na beses ko pa lang kasi siyang nahahatid sa school since nag kinder sya. Kaya after I send her sa gate, I decided to fetch her later in the afternoon. Pag uwi ko nag bahay, medyo naiinip ako malayo pa ang 5pm, wala pang lunch time nagpa alam ako kina Ma2 at Pa2 na sa labas kumain since kasi ng dumating ako 2 beses pa lang ako nakalalabas Sunday kahapon nag simba kami mag-anak at ngayon hinatid si Xette.
Yun pa rin suot ko, I find myself riding a jeepney that leads to MRT halos naliligo ako ng pawis kahit pa di naman masyadong punoan sa loob ng MRT, paghinto sa may Ayala station halos hindi ko maihakbang mga paa ko palabas, kung di pa ako tinulak ng ali sa likod ko na nagmamadali.
I choose to walk than taking a taxi to my destination, habang naglalakad hindi ako mapakali, parang bumakat pa ata ang pawis ko sa kilikili. But finally I was in front of a building where my heart feel at ease. Naka pasok naman ako dahil sumabay ako sa isang employee na pumasok. I was so full when I left home pero bakit parang walang laman tiyan ko habang nasa loob ako ng elevator.
6th floor, dami ng nagbago sa office, buti na lang may dala akong existing ID naka pasok ako, I never expect she will still be working here. I still recognize some faces sila? Kilala pa rin ako they were shock for a moment but later that they smile (me? keep walking, oy c pareng Coi di pa rin nag babago, ayun naka upo when he turn his head up to me he was in hesitant to me but after he recover such shock ayun kinamayan ako at konting kamustahan, nagpa alam na rin ako since di naman talaga siya ang sadya ko.
After I knock “Pasok!” A vice from inside, how I miss that voice (she has a nice voice nga pala, kumakanta sya before yun din isang asset niya)
Pagpasok ko, hindi ko pa nasilayan maamo niyang mukha, naka side view kasi sya doing something in here PC, when the swivel turn facing me I never expect her reaction. God! she lose weight , mga 4-5 kls din.
“Hey, Dile ikaw pala, anong atin?” si Mirah casual na reaction as in no bitterness.
Nabuhayan ako ng loob.
“Mirah, kumusta ka na? nahihiya ko pang tanong.
“Well, ito halos mabutas na upoan sa ka uupo sa mga nagdaang taon, nga pala I can’t hang up to you too long may meeting kasi ako around 2:00pm eh, ito nga’t till now di pa done mga documents na e-prepresent. Can you excuse me?” Palingon lingon pa sya sa PC nya, pero walang kurap na tungon nya sakin.
“Sorry Mirah, wrong timing pala ako, can we at least meet some other time?” mahiya-hiya ko pang tanong.
“Sure-sure, bukas mga dinner time, wag mo na akong sunduin kita na lang tayo sa Ayala Triangle Gardens, tawagan na lang, by the way I didn’t change my number hope you still have it” sigla niyang sagot.
I paint a wide smile on her “yup I do as always” then I temporarily bid goodbye.
Ang saya ko, I even do a high five with pareng Coi nung lumabas ako sa office ni Mirah.
Di na ako umuwi ng bahay, bagkos nag tambay na lang ako sa Glorietta habang hinihintay ko ang uwi ni Xette.
Sa bahay at that night, di ako mapa kali, di ko alam kung ano sasabihin kay Mirah bukas basta isa lang alam ko, I will be honest na lang sa kung ano man.
Kinabukasan aga ko ulit nagising ihahatid ko uli ang aking unica hija, mahirap na mukhang crush din kasi siya nung crush niya sa school (hahaha) over protective dad ako. Masigla ako that morning silang lahat napansin nila yun, but I never said anything saka na lang kung ok na ulit lahat.
Hindi ko na sinundo si Xette ayaw ko kasing ma late sa usapan namin ni Mirah, I txt her sabi ko I will wait in Wee Nam Kee restaurant. Nag reply pa siya na bat daw an gaga ko, o yeah it’s still quarter to six. Pag pasok ko sa resto wala masyadong tao, well di pa dinner time kasi tsaka it’s Tuesday at malayo pa ang sahoran. (hehehe) 10 minutes before 7pm, Mirah came in she’s pretty yeah ngayon ko lang lalong na silayan mukha niya sabagay medyo chubby kasi siya noon. Napaka simple pa rin nya at mukhang galing pa office naka uniform pa eh. I wave my hand. Lumakad siya going to my direction.
Nag ka-ilangan pa kami at first but finally nag beso-beso na rin kami as usual.
As tulad ng dati noon pa man gentlemen na talaga ako, I pull the chair for her, she smile so wide… I hand her 3 paper bags mga pasalubong (oo, sa mga nag daang panahon pag bumibili ako ng pasalubong sa family ko, included sya, di ko nga lang pina pa package) She just said Thank you and smile so sweet.
God! how I miss it, pinagmamasdan ko lang sya mga a couple of seconds then she broke the silence by saying,
“Thanks God Dile, buhay ka pa pala, well anyway gutom na ako, so order muna tayo baka mag chismisan” sabay tawa.
Tahimik lang ako, siya na ang tumawag sa waiter, di pa rin matao.
“Mirah, I’m so sorry” lakas loob kung sabi while trying to reach for her hand.
Iniwas ni Mirah kamay nya sabay sabi “Let’s eat first, baka mawala pa both appetite natin sa pagkain if mag MMK tayo ngayon”
I respect her, panay pindot nya sa iPad nya, work daw pa minsan minsan naman may nag me-message sa kanya sa iPhone nya.
Finally dumating order namin at natapos na rin kaming mag dessert.
Ako na naunang magsalita sinabi ko lahat2.
“Sa madaling salita, ginusto mong mag mukha akong tanga dahil sa tingin mo hindi ko maiiintindihan ang lahat ng pinag dadaanan mo. Dile, kung sinabi mong maghintay ako kahit 5 o 10 taon pa, gagawin ko dahil mahal kita at handa ako sa ano mang consequences na dumating. Or marahil you can’t see yourself settling down with an ugly duckling like me. Pero sadyang hindi lang talaga panahon natin Dile, ok na rin kasi ako 1 year after you left me, someone still spend a little care for me, hindi sya nag sawang makinig sa mga dalamhati ko sayo until I risk my feelings. Mahal pa rin kita Dile at alam niya yan kahit ikakasal na kami alam niya na may kahati pa rin siya sa pagmamahal ko sa kanya. I am so lucky to have him, pero kahit nandito ka na ulit I will not risk again, dahil YOU KNOW ME, I won’t make mistake twice for same reason”. – mahaba niyang salaysay.
Naiwan akong naka tingin lang sa kanya at that night matagal bago ko nakuha ang tama kong pag iisip.
July 7, 2012 4:15pm
Kaya ito ako ngayon tualala naka tingin sa di kalayuan dahil halos tapat lang ako sa simbahan na kung saan pinangarap kong ikasal kasama si Mirah It’s Saturday today, I should be partying walang pasok but instead I choose to tolerate my lonesome. Si Mirah, she will walk down the aisle tomorrow July 8, 2012 with my so-called PARENG COI (yung ka officemate niya)
Kung hindi ko lang hinayaang sunduin ang EWAN kong damdamin sa mga panahong iyon, marahil hindi niyo ito mababasa ngayon, pero sadyang mapag laro ang tadhana & unfortunately I was not able to play my cards wisely. Sa ngayon isa lang alam ko, tagumpay man ako sa aking buhay ngunit talunan ako sa pag-ibig marahil sa ngayon. Pero aasa pa rin ako na may taong naka takda sa akin at kung dumating ang araw na iyon, Panginoon na ang bahala kung ano man naka sulat sa aking tadhana.
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