Tagalog Love Stories Romantic Pinoy Stories Tragic Love Stories

My First Love: The Untold Secret of My Youth
By: Anonymous, BSPJ, ﺲﻼﺁ


I had a best-friend back at my elementary years. At first I hated her a lot back on those days, because she always likes to pinch me without a reason or annoying me while im busy reading or etc., she always asks favors from me and when I finished it, she just says “never mind”. but things change when I was alone, waiting for a ride home. I saw her at the corner and shes seems lonely waiting for her mom to fetch her. She seems so sad that day, so I volunteer to accompany her until her fetch is arrive. She shares her life to me, Until I knew that her family got separated. she was still recovering from the pain. Since that day we where close as ever than before. she always relies on me for our projects and same, she does my assignment. Until we got separated when we graduated in elementary...


I go to all for boys high school, and she stays behind at our old school. at the first of the school year I still went to our meeting place everyday as promised. but one day we stop, because I am busy meeting for school clubs and activities, same as her. but we still see each other from time to time. until she invited me to her house. she introduce me to her mom. but her mother just ignoring me. until one day I visited her at her house unannounced and found out she was with her friend; her mother asked me about our relationship, and i told her we were just friends. but her mother insist and told me to stop seeing her, because we were just young and for that she slum her door to me. I was shocked for what her mother said. A month later I was with my friends while window shopping when I had seen her. She grabs me out from my friends and went to a place so we can talk alone. She hugs me tightly and all of the sudden my body feels something that I have never felt before. until I realize that she is crying on my shoulders and she talks, apologizing what her mother had said to me. Actually she was just in her house and didn't went anywhere else. she was behind of her mother on that time and witness all what her mother had said. She was very angry to her mother on that day, even she explained to her mother that we were just friend like a brother and sister (she was an only child and was longing for a sibling but never had happen to her, until she got me). She hugs me tightly likes she didn't want to let go. It was dawn when she stops crying and let go. I saw her face all red, I just smiled at her until she smiles back. On that day she asks me if I can go with her on this weekend. I said yes...


On that weekend I was very surprised because she was so beautiful on her Sunday dress. Im so ashamed going with her while im on my rugged heavy metal looks... we went to church and after the mass. She brought me to a watershed area on the city far from the houses and beautiful viewing spot on the city. We had a talk there, until our conversation went into a love relationships. She ask me what if we move to the next stage of our lives, going to a love relationships. I look at her speechless, while she looks very serious; ( Actually, I really want to have a girlfriend on that time, but with her? I didn’t even think for going a relationship with my bestfriend.) I just smiled at her because maybe she just fantasizing for that. But she still looks very seriously and blushing. So i asked her why? She just told me that she just want to try it with me. So I think a situation that to be made an excuse. I told her that going on that kind of relationship would destroy our friendship, and there will come a time that we both separated and end up as a stranger. She still pursue that we won’t fight and we won’t separate with each other. “What if.. I said.” What if the time comes that love won’t work between us?” She stares at me, like she was lossing hope in our conversation.” She stands up and walks, she was climbs to the rock platform, so I stand up and followed to help her climb but before she can push her self to the top, she slip out, but I was on her back end up catching her. We end up laying on the ground. I thought she was hurt because she didn’t get up on the top of me. I brush her hair by my hands in order to see her face, as I so her face she was so sullen (nagtatampo). I embraced her while she was on top of me. So she faced down to my body and hugs me. And the kind of feeling that I didn’t understand rose up again inside me. I know she sobbeds and cry while her head was on my chest. I just brushing her hair and calming her down. She raise her head to me while pressing her body-up to my body. Our eyes had meet while her long hair covered our faces. She asks me to kiss her. (It was not my very first time to kiss a girl, nor it was second or third. Im not a Perfect kisser also, but only i know is the kiss that a woman thought to me while I was a boy... “may experience na kasi ako nyan when Im still on 13yrs old kahit sa talik pa. Maagang bininyagan.hehehe.”)


She just push herself to me and give me a kiss. I didn’t realize that my body reacts unconsciously and just answered her kiss passionaitely and she followed my kiss likes she wants me deeply. My arm wraps around her while my other hand was grabbing her neck pushing her lips deeply to mine. We both stunned on what just happened, we just break to have a grasps of air. Our eyes still meet while she was still on the top of me. She just lay her head again to my chest. We both are on silence on that time. I know until then, that kind of kiss we shared each other was our first and my first passionaite kiss I/we ever had. While laying, she told me that was her first kiss that she wanted for and she dreamed for. And the dream where came true because I am the guy she wanted. I told her that “even thought you play so rough on me back on the younger days, I got a crush on you. But I was afraid because you may cursed me and don’t want to go near at me again. She raise her head smiling at me and said. Really? Because all that time she had a crush on me also. So she wants to play rough or enjoying to pinch me because thats the way she wants me to noticed. So whats for now? she asks seriously. I told her lets make a deal. We still continue our relationship as bestfriend and as close as ever from now on. When we graduate highschool, if the feeling is still there. Lets pursue it into a love relationship... actually she didn’t want that kind of deal, but she added if we can kiss while on that kind of stage in our friend relationship. So I just agree in order for her to agree. So we kiss again more passionaitely to seal our deal...


We are close as ever as before until one day we meet, she was sad. She just run towards me and hugging me tightly. I ask her why? But she only said that please let this moment freeze. So we just hug each other for a while. She raise her head and ask me if I would miss her? I just pause for a moment, hug her tightly and kiss her forehead. And the silence goes on again. While she was leaning her head at my shoulder, she told me that she would be missing me. I was very confuse on that moment why she told me those things. I still on silence thinking when she loose herself, and walks a little away from me. She talks about last year what happened at the very spot where we first kissed. I just only smiled and blushing. And then I talk to her what if we plant a tree to spot when we vowed our love. She smiled and agree. We search a small tree sprouting near the area. And transfers the tree to the spot. While planting the tree we promised each other to visit that area to look hows the tree grown up. Afterwards she grew sad again. So I ask her why? She asks me. “Please, look up the tree for me while im gone.” I don’t know how to react what she had said to me. I thought she was just joking or just having an emotional drama to sweeten things up. but when she turns around me, I realize she was serious to all she just said. Her tears runs to her face. I walk to her and just hug her tightly. I told her. Yes, I would visit our tree to look up how it grows. She just whisper to me. “ I love you...” and I also whisper that no matter what happen I will always be your friend... and your lover. She smiled and lean her head at my chest. We sat beside the tree. While we talk, she told me that she will transfer to her auntie (mothers younger couzin) to the province. While her mother works abroad. It would be difficult for us to see each other again. But she promised to visit me if the time would allow. I said what if we write letters with each other. She agreed to that. (On that time mobile phones didn’t exist like nowadays.) It was dawn when we are going home, but she insist to stay a little longer. So we stayed behind a little longer. She told me one day, when the tree grew, i will plant flowers on her side. I smiled to her. I grab her waist, pulling her body towards me, and we began to kiss like it was our last time to see each other again...


Three days later, It was her schedule to left the city. I cutted classes in order to see her for the last time. But it was to late when I arrive to there place the taxi cab just left I saw her for that last time. I didn’t know if she saw me too. But I still hoping to catch her up to the Bus Terminal. It seems the time was so very long while im commuting, and I was impatient on that time looking to my watch always. I ran to the terminal to searching them. My body weakens when I was lossing hope to see her. Then suddenly someone poke me at my back. It was her mother, she smiled and said she was there. Pointing at her direction. I will give you some time to say your goodbyes, she said and smiled. When I walk to her she saw me and she begins to cry. I took my hanky to offer it to her. She said. “Did you really come here to see me?” “Yeah! actually I was at your place when I seen the taxi cab left. I said.” She hugs me, for appreciation. “Don’t cry anymore when you got there, because their will be no shoulder you can cry on. Be strong and find some friends in your new home.” I said. She just nodded. “How about you?” she said. “I will write you a letter always, as we promised. Don’t forget me. I will always wait for you to come back. No matter how long it would have been. I will always love you.” I told her. “I will always love you also.” She replies. Then the time of their departure came as we said our goodbyes. Her mom just smiled at me. As I walk with her to the Bus. It was the last time I saw her, her last smile, her last tear, her sweet perfume she uses (that until now the scent she uses still haunts me), and even until this day those images of her from the last time was still fresh even into my dreams...

Even from the time she left I always visit the tree we planted. Even it is sunny or rainy I never missed a week to visit our spot. There are times when the worst storm visit our place. When I visited the tree it got snapped. I was afraid it might died so I build a support hoping it would help it to heal. I thought our small tree died, I few week later it show a sign of survival. So I put some rocks on its side and build a reprop so if a strong current of rain water passes it would not errode its soil. I graduated high school showing no signs from her. I enrolled into a University, find new friends, and sometimes dating. It was second semester when I had my first GF. Even though I got already GF, she is still on my mind. Thinking she would be my GIRLFRIEND if we are now on college. “What if she would come back?” I ask myself... There are no girlfriends that would stay long for me. The longest was 2 months and we are done. I just smiled away when my girlfriends found new partner. Only one girl came always on my mind those days. But I didn’t stop lossing hope that maybe she would came back to me again...

It was a long time that I never visited our tree. I was in 3rd year college back then. When I take a look to our tree. The tree grew strong and tall and also the weeds along it side. So I took that day to clear it up. I rest for a while until I caught something from my eyes, something on its branch. So I take a look... to my surprise it was a letter pack with a packing tape and plastics. Its was from her, the letter written short. It was dated a year ago, I was too late to got it. I hated my self for not visiting our tree for sometimes. The short letter read: “Hi, I don’t know how I can explain this. Their was a lot happened to my life recently” I hope you may forgive me.. I love you always.” I was so very happy for recieving that letter. So I wrote a letter for a reply. Since that day I visited the tree twice a month. I also visited their old apartment thinking maybe they had came back. I never stop hoping to see her again.

I got into a problem after a few months. I stop studying because of personal conflict of interest. I got a small job also that time. I was strayed because of my personal problems. Sometimes I don’t come home for a weeks. I always cried for help deep inside, that someone would lend me there hands to guide me from those days. Its was almost a year that i stop thinking that she would came back to me. I was lossing hope waiting in vain for her. So I decide to visit our tree for the final time before I go home to our province in visayas. In the rock platform I sat facing the branches where a hang 5 letters I wrote for her. Memories came back as I was staring every corner on that spot. I talked to our tree. “Now i will be the one will left you. I am hoping that you would stay strong. If you see her, maybe sometime soon. Please show her how you grown with me. Because this time I am the one who is need of help. I don’t know when I would come back.” It was my the last visit of our tree on that time...

There is a lot happened to me in the province. My second life started in there, I stand up with my own now. I was totally cured from my depression on that time. So I decided to visit my growned up place Baguio City. many had change, old ones had gone, many was replaced, and many are new to me. So I finally visit our tree. I was shocked when I saw the tree, it was completely devastated. I hardly recognized it. Because of its burnt bark. The forest fire was struck on that watershed area a year ago said the locale on that area. But the tree still survives even thought it looks like dead on the other side. I turned away from the spot vowing not to look back and moving on with my own life. I left Baguio with somethings missing inside me. I got back to our province and there I meet someone else that I fallen inlove with... (its another story)

Many years had passed when I decide to go back to Baguio City to work. It was a coincidence when our company had a tree planting on the same watershed. Even though that I was there. Never on mind to visit our tree. It was a big area which was divided by 200 people so i was post on the far end. After planting 30+ trees on my area. I heard someone that they would like to take pictures on that side of the area. So they invited me. I never thought that they go to the same spot where our tree planted. I see our tree from far, alive and well again. I smiled to say hello. Until I arrived to the area. I was stunned what I saw. The place was landscaped there are flowers circling the tree, and there are many different flowers wherever I stare on each corner. My chest was choking me, It was hard to breath. My eyes was began to wet, I tried to pull myself up. “She still love me”, as I talk to myself. I left from the pack without reasons. Hiding myself from crying. I rush myself to there old apartment. I asks some neighbor if there are somebody else living on the apartment. (when they are gone their apartment was for rent). So I knock on the gate, and then I saw a familiar face woman opening the door. It was auntie her mother. “Is that you PJ?” she asked. She was happy to see me on that day. Before she hated me, but now the tension was lossen. She invited me in to her house. Not much change inside it was not long that she camed back from abroad. “How’s your life since we left? She asked? I told her the things I had been through all my life. From the blessings and from the despair. Until she told what happened to my best-friend. When she was with her auntie, the husband is a drunkard and a drug user. She was raped many times until her auntie found out the things happened, Instead of believing her that she was the victim. She was thrown out to house and cursed her as a whore.

She was too young and no where to go. She went from place to place. Asking friends and other relatives for help. Until one of her teacher ask to live with him. But same as before she was as a sex slave/mistress by her own teacher. She run away from that place. She search her father through his relatives that she known before Until she goes back to her father and seek help there. She was accepted, but the new family of her father forced her to work as a servant on there house. Auntie returned home to visit her but found out her daughter was long gone to her cousins house. She search every where, until she seek help to her exhusband to find her daughter and there she was. They left to that place. Auntie enrolled my bestfriend into a dorm school. Until she graduated highschool. Auntie asked her to go home here on Baguio to proceed her college and meet me. But she decide not to go back on Baguio, she cried that don’t want to meet me, because she was afraid that I might turned her down because the event she had been through. Auntie goes to my bestfriends room and she handled me the box that was full of things from my bestfriend. There was the diary, my letters from hers, a scrap book that has a leaf from our tree, some pictures when we were teenagers, and some pictures of mine that are also some are taken since i was on college (I was surprised when I saw those are my picture from college), and at the bottom of the box that I saw letters that never been sent to me. My heart fells while reading her letters, each stanzas I cried, because of the pain that it contents.

I know auntie was watching me from afar and she’s also in pain watching me crying while reading those letters. All of the memories that stored on those box. All of it are the memories of my bestfriend and my lover. After reading all of her memories, auntie invited me to dinner. While on the table I ask her if she has a recent picture of my bestfriend. She showed me photos of her album, and to her laptop. My bestfriend grew a beautiful lady. Auntie told that she and her daughter visited our spot and the tree we plant. Auntie was amaze from our story how our relationship was started. She wanted her daughter to seek me again. But my bestfriend still don’t want to see me for the same reason. She told me that her daughter bare a child from his uncle/teacher. It was the reason that she don’t want to see me. They migrate to Canada not long after her daughter graduated college. They live happily together there. My bestfriend found a new love and got married. But auntie told that she knows something was still missing in her daughter’s life. It was me. She told me how her daughter loves me from before, until she got married, and even until now. Even they came back here for a vacation. She knew that here daughter still goes to our spot. She still seeking for me from my last apartment and from our old friends.
Before I left from there house. I left my contact number, email, and even my facebook account to be sure that maybe my bestfriend contact me. But before my final goodbyes, I told auntie that. My bestfriend is my first love that I had waited for. But now I was too late to know the truth that she’s with someone else. I will keep my distance away and just wishing the best of her life...

After 1 year I left Baguio and face my destiny abroad. I visited our love tree for the last time. There are full of memories on that spot, especially on our tree. I look closely to the tree, when I saw a mark written “ I will always love you.” That was last thing thing that I can keep, that even shes away she still always love me. I was glad that I was free for all that troubles, I was free from my conscience that the love I’ve waited for so long was finally over. Even though our love was never happened, I’d learned a lot of things in life. “Life is a ramdomly twist of ripples, it would never happen twice if the frequency is not right.” In order for us to learn love is to know how much painful it stings.
It was been a year. My bestfriend, my first love didn’t even bother to appear for me. But I know she’s still checking me out.


THANKS FOR READIING... I hope you share this to others. Maybe she is your friend. I hope she read this story, because I dedicated this to her.