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I Love You

Something’s bothering my mind all throughout this summer. My head’s spinning so wild that I almost fainted in my bedroom a while ago. This was the most excruciating pain I’ve ever felt for seventeen years. I’ve never felt this weak before. It really makes me want to go and sleep forever and ever. Right now, I felt sorrow and most of all...

…Fear.

I’ve lived my whole life here in the city. All those years, I never had once a happy moment in my life. I was adopted. I never met my real parents. I’m now living with a cruel lady which always has the fun torturing me. Every minute I’m living here in this house, it’s like a living hell. Hell including Miss Sandra, the evilest among the evils. She always finds time to make my life miserable. Every minute, every second…

“Astrid! Come down here!” she shouted from the living room. I quickly stood up from the floor I was when I fell and ran downstairs. I felt dizzy again. Why do I felt this awful pain?

“Stupid girl! Go and buy me a bottle of whisky!” said Miss Sandra who was sitting on the small couch. She looked tipsy. I walked towards her and handed out my hand for the money. She looked at it and sneered at me.

“What?! I said you’ll buy me! Your money, not mine! Go now! I need a drink, you stupid!” she crossed her eyes at me and started lighting a cigarette.

I quickly ran back upstairs to get my wallet. There’s still some money left I earned from the diner I worked for. Then, I went outside to go to the nearest store to buy a whisky.

“Are you drinking now, Astrid? I thought you’re a very good girl.” said Mister Fred as he handed me the bottle of whisky.

“Oh no, Sir. Miss Sandra just ordered me to buy one.” I said to him.

“Okay now. I knew you’ll never do such a thing.” He smiled at me and I went outside the store.

The next morning, I woke up early to get ready for the first day of school. I’m now a senior. I can’t wait to go there. I quickly get a bath and put on a t-shirt, pants and rubber shoes. Then, I prepared my breakfast which was a cereal and almost near-expiration milk. Miss Sandra was still sleeping on the couch. She was clutching the bottle of whisky on her right hand which only consisted of a pint of liquid inside.

“I’ll get going now.” I said silently and put on my jacket. I picked my backpack and started walking through the sidewalk. The weather was getting cold these days. My head ached so much when the weather’s cold. I really can’t help it. I massaged my forehead and continued walking. Then, I stopped in front the gate of our school. There were many students gathered outside the gate and chatting with each other. How I wish I have a friend whom I can talk to. But that’s pure fiction! No one ever noticed me. I am a…

…nobody.

“Okay seniors! Attention! Attention!” a teacher was shouting from the intercom. The students quickly stopped their own businesses and listened carefully of what the teacher will be saying.

“The Music and Arts Club is now re-opening due to a very good student. He insisted me to re-open the said club for he wants to make students, especially the seniors who did not even bother to join last two years. I’m very glad that there is still a concerned student to the Music and Arts Club…” that must be our Principal, Ms. Knoxville.

Then there were loud murmurs around the corridor. “MA Club is boring!” I heard a student shout. “Yeah!” then there were many students who agreed to him.

“…Okay you may proceed here, Mr. Bennett.” Said Ms. Knoxville and there was a sudden pause. A few seconds later, I heard a very enthusiastic but more of a calm voice.

“Hey there seniors! You must be wondering why I insisted our principal to re-open the MA Club. Well… I’ts just that I want the other students to show and harness their talents in Music and Arts. I know that there are many of us in here who has got the talents. If the MA Club continued to be closed for the next generation, what will happen to us? What will be the future of the artistic and music-loving students? Oh well… If you have the X-factor, just proceed to the old MA room after school. I’ll be the leader as for now. I hope to see you there! Thanks!” then the intercom was dead silent again while the corridor was like full of animals, very noisy indeed.

After school, I have a resentful feeling if I should join or not. I love arts. I also love music. But what if I’ll be the prey again? Being bullied by everybody almost every single day I spent here in this school. I am scared of what might happen to me. I’m so sick being bullied by my classmates and also by other sections. But maybe I’ll find a friend in there. What if I’ll be happy in there? Just once in my life I’ll feel appreciated and contented?

My head ached like hell again. I burrowed my head against my hands and uncontrollably swing myself front and back. I can’t help it anymore. I feel like I was going to die that very second. I fell on my knees and there I sat on the corner of the corridor. I’m still clutching my head. I can hear people walking by and not paying attention of what state I am right now. I’m a nobody right? Just a nobody…

“Hey. Are you okay, Miss? Need any help?” I heard a man’s voice near me. I can’t move my head. It’s still thumping so hard. I can’t speak. I can’t do anything. Then I felt hands around my shoulders. He was helping me to stand up. My eyes were closed and my brows met in the middle.

“Let me help you go to the clinic. Do you feel pain in your head?” he asked me. I can feel a bit of concern in his voice. I nodded at him and I suddenly felt light. Then, I realized that he carried me.

The next thing I knew, I woke up seeing a very white light. Where am I? Am I in heaven now? Can I rest in peace now?

“Are you feeling okay now, Astrid?” I heard a guy’s voice near me. Then I saw a nurse standing beside him holding a tray which I thought consisting of medicines. Oh, I must’ve blacked out.

“I’m better now. Thanks.” I said in a very low voice. I saw the guy walked near me and sat on the chair beside the bed.

“You know what? You can join the MA Club. I bet you’ll have fun this year.” He said in a very cheerful voice. I weakly smiled at him and I saw a bit of excitement on his face.

“You’re Astrid Evans, am I right?” he asked me and I nodded. “By the way, I’m Lee Bennett” he handed out his hand and I looked at it, feeling a bit awkward.

Then, after five seconds or so, I shook it and smiled at him.

Ever since that day that he saved me, we became closer to each other everyday that we proclaim ourselves as bestfriends. I was really happy that I met him and also because of my clubmates that considered me as one of them and treated me as their friend and not a nobody. We had fun doing things and enjoyed every second we spent together.

But I felt happy the most was when I’m with Lee. He made me really happy, he made me realized how meaningful our life can be. He taught me how to look things in a positive way and also to treasure each minute we spent and spend life to the fullest. Every word he said hit me. As if I am the one who really needed his advice.

Miss Sandra was way too far that I’d imagined. One afternoon, I found her lying on the floor with a bottle of whisky on her hands and the living room was full of plastics that I thought it could be drugs. The policeman knew it at once and sent her to the rehab for being a drug pusher and also a user.

“You’re living alone now. Do you feel a bit lonely?” Lee asked me when we were watching the sun set at the rooftop of our school.

“Nah. I feel happy now that I met you and the others.” I smiled at him and he smiled back to me. Then, I felt his hug. It’s very warm and I felt at ease and secure.

At that moment, I realized something. Something that was new to me. Something that never made me so nervous but at the same time…

…giddy.

My heart leapt and I felt really warm on my face. Was this the moment that I’ve been searching for? The feeling I’ve been wanting for my whole life.

“I love you, Astrid. I felt it at the very first time I saw you in the corridor. You looked really miserable that day and I felt nervous. And that struck me. When I asked you to join the club, I made a promise to myself that I’ll always make you happy no matter what happens. Now, do you feel the same way as I feel for you?” he said to me calmly. I felt the sincerity in his voice.

I actually felt the same way. This is the thing I’ve been looking for. The feeling to love and…

…to be loved.

Almost two years had passed since I met Lee. The pain in my head seemed to be getting out of control again. One day, I’ve decided to go to the doctor and see what the real problem was. When I got the result…

…Fear struck me again.

What must be done? I felt hopeless again. Fear shivered down my spine and it gave me chills.

A month had passed the pain in my head kept getting worse everyday. I can’t buy my medications for I have no enough money. Lee seemed to be suspicious about me. Whenever he asked me if I still feel pain in my head, I just answered him no. I kept on saying that I’m okay. I don’t want him to worry about me. I don’t want him to be hurt. Was this the right thing to do? To not tell him the truth?

Until one day, the pain in my head suddenly got worst. I can’t control it anymore and I collapsed in the middle of our meeting in the MA Club. I woke up and I felt bandages around my head.

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Lee was furious to me that time. “That sickness of yours would have been cured months ago, or maybe years!”

Tears started falling from my eyes. “I’m sorry, Lee. I didn’t want you to worry. I have a severe sickness in my brain. I can’t remember what it’s called. The doctor said that it rooted out because of the physical and emotional stress that I’ve been suffering my whole life and…” I cried heavily. I can’t stop the tears from flowing. Then I felt the warm embrace of Lee, again.

“…and there’s no cure.”

His embrace tightened and I felt his body shook and also drips of water in my neck. Was it tears? Was Lee crying?

“Don’t worry, Astrid. I’ll always be here for you. I’ll help you all through the way. I love you.” I sobbed and hugged him back.

After two months, I was here in the beach with Lee. We’re having our vacation. He said that I became thinner and thinner that I should eat right. I obeyed his orders.

I was walking along the shore alone while I watched the sunset. Lee must be going out of the resthouse now looking for me. But, I just want to have some time alone. Maybe this will be the last time I breathe some fresh air.

I stopped and looked straightly to the sunset. Fear never clouded me again. I felt braver than ever because of Lee. I knew that I have to go no matter what. I need to find peace and serenity.

“Astrid! Why are you alone? I thought we’ll go walking together?” I heard Lee’s voice from afar then I looked back at him and smiled.

Then, my knees suddenly became weak. I closed my eyes and felt the gravity pulling me backwards. This is it. I now face my fear. But it’s not fear anymore. I’m opening my arms for my destiny.

I immediately saw the light. I saw two vague images of a man and woman. Could they be my parents? They smiled to me and I reached for their hands. The last thing I remembered was seeing Lee from afar. It was like I was floating, going into the sky. Going into the heavens.

All I want you to know Lee is that…






I love you… I love you… I love you…