Tagalog Love Stories Romantic Pinoy Stories Tragic Love Stories

WISHFUL THINKING

8 was just like any other day.a day w/c i thought would pass as quietly as any in my 23 yrs had been.i had spent an afternoon watching animes to Full House,ending up to an hour lying in bed and staring at my glow-in-the-dark constellations in faithful imitation of the Dipper.i made a mental note to change it later on,like a Pleiades or something.
my mother called out from the kitchen,and threathened to call me lazy if i dont go down and cook dinner.i did, but added more salt to the stew,and had to smile with sweet revenge everytym my brothers make faces coz they say its a lil too salty.but my mother nagged at me,however,but then revenge is still revenge for those couch potatoes.
after dinnner i asked Ma if i could go out,and said i needed a while to breathe.i grabbed my jacket before she could nod.i went out,was again free,and walked someplace where my feet would lead me.
i ended up in an old neighborhood park,on a lone concrete bench--amidst a few strangers and a pair of lovers,each having worlds of their own.i wrapped myself with my jacket and gazed at the stars.theyr so beautiful, i thought,and i wonder if bein born on the night of the Perseid meteor shower could give one an affinity to the stars.here i go again,alone,with just my thoughts and a beautiful night to captivate me.i had to find out later on--id be captivated by something else.
" i knew id find you here," an oddly familiar voice came up behind me.
i turned around too quickly.that voice.one i could so easily recognize,and one that couldnt possibly be this close again.
but he is.same unruly coal-black hair.same equally darker eyes.same half grin.suddenly it dawned on me its been almost 3 yrs,and all i could say was,"what are you doing here?"
he smiled."you know--i expected a warmer welcome than that," he said,"its been a long time."
"then you could have at least given me a note saying id meet you at the airport."
he laughed."hayz,you never changed.you're still crazy",he raised his eyebrows at me," ei--stop staring at me like iv got horns or something,"
i clamped my open mouth shut." i dun wanna blink.i might get a heart attack if u vanish", i said."how did you know i was here?"
"your mother told me."
"you went to my house?!"
he nodded."yeah--i asked your dad if i could marry you."
"shut up.youre scaring me."
"haha",he laughed,then skipped a few steps to sit beside me."you mind?", he asked still.i wanted to say i do,but instead i edged to make a space for him on the bench.he asked kumusta,and i just said im still not rich,still havent graduated and still havent met Brandon Boyd.he laughed another time,and said im crazy the 2nd time and i replied "always was".i bombarded him with questions in my turn,like how did you get here,why are you here--things like that.but he just said" a bus,duh", he wants a vacation,and shrugged to the rest of my queries.is it April Fool's in June?..i wondered.or maybe Fate is playing her twisted humor again.almost an hour since he came,and he just quietly watching the stars wit me.i looked at him,each time risking to break a neck,coz i thought he was saying something.he was so quiet,thoughtful even.too quiet for a boy i once knew.its so weird to see someone change so much in just 2 yrs.wheres the cynical,overly idealistic,obnoxious pasaway who hasnt got much nice things to say? wheres those sarcastic remarks?..coz i missed them.i hope he didnt change much,except he welcomes haircuts now.or else id be paranoid and think about revenge of the Body Snatchers.
suddenly a star fell.i clasped my hands and whispered, Oh please,Let not him be an alien.
i peered at him out of the corner of my eye.why you look at that--i smiled--he was closing his eyes and makin a wish himself.
"what did you wish for?" we both asked at the same time.
he grinned.i smiled."actually i have no idea,"i told him,"eh kaw--what did you wish for?"
"secret",he said mysteriously,"well--its just the same thing i wanted in a long tym,i just hope id be brave enough to make it come true,"
i wondered on what it meant,but decided it was enough pondering for a while."dont worry," i said encouragingly,"itd come true."
he smiled wistfully."i hope so." then he made a face,"i didnt expect gettin older would mean bein a lot like you",
"ei,whats wrong with bein me??" i demanded.
"you were always too soft for your own good."
"i guess i am," i smiled."newaiz-do u plan to stay here long?"
he shrugged."i dont know,i still have my classes mind.maybe a week or so,"he replied,"you know what--living alone there made me think about some things.i realized i left something of me here",
"oh?", i asked curiously."a part like what?"
he looked at me meaningfully for a moment."you'll know."
"riddles", i complained," you still talk in riddles."
he laughed and tweaked my nose."dont complain.youve always known me like this,"
"thats basically what im complaining."
he smiled up at me."shut up.and wait."
"oh please.do i still have to wait for you this time?"
he looked quickly on that." you waited for me?"
i bit my lip and looked away."i was just kidding."
his eyes were dancing when he asked,"are you?"
"yeah.besides dont make much of that.i just meant waiting for you--you were always late,"
"thats not what i remembered", he said quietly
"dont start with something i had forgotten," i muttered dryly.
he became silent.and i was,too.suddenly the casual conversation that started even after 3 years changed in an instant.after a while,the silence became a comfortable one.a trick we both learned years ago. i didnt seem to mind though,i just felt calm just having him near. i peeked a look at him,i wondered if he felt the same way.
"remember the time we met?" he asked out of the blue.
"huh?" i asked,surprised.il be damned if this conversation gets stranger than it already was.
"i said do u remember the time we met?"
i closed my eyes to remember."yeah", i nodded,"the cafe.lots of people.a mop on the floor.and a stupid 360 turn on my part", i winced at the memory."i almost fell flat on my face--if not you caught me."
he grinned.the same triumphant grin he wore when he beats me at arguments,Yahoo chess and Warcraft."the knight in shining armor rescues a damsel in distress,"
i rolled my eyes."oh dont flaunt it."
he laughed."served you right though.didnt you know i wanted to meet you bad? you were too busy hiding from me," he said,"funny when things present itself when you had stopped looking."
internet relay chatting,i had to smile myself.i had been his shrink,confidant,crying shoulder,rival at useless arguments and Warcraft for almost a year---even before we truly met.and yet we did,and Fate turned one impossible though--we became "real"friends,and stayed that way.
"do you think we could have met some other way?" he asked another strange q.
i frowned thoughtfully."maybe.same university.small world",i smiled."we could be classmates."
"i guess", he agreed."but who cares--i believe we're destined to meet."
"destined?" i repeated,amused."i cant imagine the next thing il be hearing,is that wer soulmates,"
"why not?"he challenged.
i shook my head."and so i think im the one who often says the craziest things."
"sometimes i do", he readily admiited," but i think im crazier for not saying things i ought to say.""well you should,"i found myself saying,"or else when the time comes you wanted to say it,you might have lost you chance,"
he looked at me."you think i might have lost my chance by now?"
i shrugged."malay ko.youre the only one who can only know that.besides,why not say it? what do u have to lose?"he sighed."just my heart."
i laughed."wow---" i drawled exaggeratedly." youre in love???"
"if i only knew id only get this from you,i wouldnt have spilled my guts out,"
i was laughing,i had to inhale 1-2-3 to keep a straight face."okei,im serious", i told him."yeah--whats the fuss of not telling her?..just tell her you love her,and if she says likewise,fine.marry her if u want to",
"youre making it sound too easy."
"is it not?",i asked him."oh i get it.someone from your place?"
he shook his head."no.shes from here,i--i came back to find her,i mean sort of."
"oh", i muttered quietly.i remember---this must be the girl he used to talk about.the one he loved since."you loved her a long time?"
"uh-huh.years."
i was right.strangely,i felt a pang of jealousy,and scolded myself for feeling emotions i have so un-learned not to have.i looked at him,"then tell her all the more.nothings more wasted than unrequited love they say."
"eh kaw,have you ever told someone you loved them?"
i turned my head quickly on that.an old memory flashed in my head,i laughed at the irony." you mean my folks? yeah.and my friends?..course i did", i smiled wistfully," but if you meant something like you have--no i never did."
"why naman?"
"dont turn the tables on me", i said as i stood up to walk," you worry about yours."
i walked a few steps farther,and told him i just want to stretch my legs coz theyr gettin numb.i decided to leave him wit his thoughts,while i bother myself with mine.i peered at him from a distance and thought so amusingly how the world turns.funny that you should stand on the same ground i stood on 3 years ago,i wanted to say. loving someone when you can never be brave to say it,wanting someone you probably can never have.tell her,my mind called as i looked at him,fight for her--when i didnt fought for mine.i never fought for you,you never knew.if i had told you about it once before,would you ever leave? my mind seems to wonder. if u told him,he would leave all the more,my mind argued reasonably.he even left without saying goodbye
he called out my name,i didnt seem to notice he was already behind me.that made me turn to look at him."yeah?"
suddenly he reached out for my hand,and said carefully,almost quietly,"i love you."
i blinked hard.i stared at him,searched his face for clues that he might be kidding,or that my ears played tricks on me,or he might be saying it for reasons i would never want to know.hastily i willed to mind to see reason,dont make much of it,i said. oh i get it--he's practicing.damn it--me of all people.
" if youre just practicing,change it.you sound like a koreanovela,"
he gave a shaky laugh. i glanced at the hand that held me,it was colder than mine."i do?.." he asked but his eyes were fixed into mine,i looked away." but this is the real thing", he added really quietly.
"youre kidding me."
he shook his head."no.and you know it."
"well then--i dont believe you." i still didnt look at him.
he took my other hand as well."youre cold", he remarked,"must your heart be as cold as your hands now?"
i turned up at him."why now?",i asked him," if its true,you wouldnt have left.and you treated me like air all of a sudden,and i thought we were friends,"i found myself saying bitterly," and i wondered the hell what did i do wrong,you havent said anything.you even left without saying goodbye,"
im sorry,"he apologized,"i couldnt deal with it any better than you could."
"of course."i shrugged,"no big deal."
"but you never asked," he said suddenly
"asked what?"
"asked why i acted that way,"
"hmmm,"i frowned," you were the most idealistic person i ever knew.what other reason could there be aside that i never leveled up to your meterstick?"
"meterstick", he repeated,"had it ever occur to you that you can never be compared to any meterstick? you were much too different from any girl i knew", he said,"and it overwhelmed me."
"is that a pick-up line?" i asked sarcastically," coz its not working."
"must you always try to be funny?"
"no.i am just trying to make sense,"
"you always try to make sense of everything."
"what else do i need to do?,"i asked him.i could never understand you any better than you can,and everytime you apologize and blame it to your equally messed up life.and there you go-always running away.leaving us alone to understand you.what else is there to console with but find for the reasons why?"
"im sorry."
"shut up.the next time you try to apologize,id run off,"i was harsh.but then memory had made old hurt and anger run afresh.
he sighed."i thought you knew."
"you expect too much from me,"i said wearily.
"guess i did", he said,"and for that i thought you were much too good for me.you werent the one leveling up to any meterstick,i was.you were everything im not,whilst you remind me of everythng that i am--weak,messed up,a coward", he went on."how can a girl who often falls on her feet and cries all the time break down the walls ive put around myself? it scared me.and i ran,"
"selfish", i muttered coldly,"and the biggest coward ive ever known,"
strangly enough i felt almost nothing.or could it be feeling too much all at the same time.instinctively i rested my head on my knees.i felt one thing i guess--i was tired.then i felt him put his own jacket over my shoulders." its gettin cold,"he remarked softly. i didnt flinch,i just closed my eyes.
all the time i asked myself why,i thought so passionately.all along i wondered what did i do wrong.i even blamed my fashion sense,damn it,my frizzy hair.my eccentricities. i lost my faith,and the thought that il never be good for anyone had haunted me since.i stopped crying for awhile,coz i couldnt cry anymore.i remembered bitterly.just because you were unfair enough to assume id just figure it out that you wanted to run off to fit the pieces of yourself.
i hardly noticed i was crying." Paano yan?", his voice cut me off from my thoughts,"i only had one handkerchief here,"
"okei lang," i turned to look at him,then to the jacket, and pulled a sleeve,"this is better,"he laughed softly."hayz,youre crazy.i just love the way you think", slowly he reached out and wiped my cheek."you never changed."
i shook my head."no i did."
"it seems," he said thoughtfully," you seem distant.and heartless.hehe."
i was silent still.it was only the wind.stars.me.and him.
he called my name again."yeah?" i looked at him
" i love you", he said firmly,"ignore it if you want,but i do love you,"
i stood up and looked at him." are you sober?"
he laughed,amused."yes."
i made circular motions on the side of my head."then youre crazy."
"always have been," he replied," but id be a crazy fool if i had blew a lot on bus fare and yet go on without telling you what iv always wanted to say in years."
"you came all the way here just to tell me you love me?"
"yepz," he nodded."aside from gettin a few things--yes.i know i should have done this years ago,but how can i when i dont even want to admit it to myself? i got scared,of a lot of things.scared of not bein in control.of bein vulnerable.scared of giving away a part of me when i still havent fitted the pieces of myself,when im still haunted by a few ghosts of my past.and you were so gods-blest easy to talk to,you seem to have known a lot about my flaws.how can i win over the girl i love,when shes seen me so wasted a lot of times?"
i looked at him,meeting his eyes.surely i could never be prepared to see what i saw in them--but i smiled.so u think youre funny ha, Lady Fate.just when i thought i gave up on him years ago.or so i thought.tonight had told me otherwise.
"you assume too much", i told him,smiling barely.
"guess so", he sighed regretfully."but i dont wanna waste time assuming anymore.id have a fair deal of time persuading you in regards to what i said kanina,"
"uhmm no need,"i frowned thougthfully," id say ul need lots of time," but i grinned up at him," but i did love you,"
"really?..yey," but then he said," can we take the past tense off?"
"maybe someday,"i replied,eyes dancing."only if youre very very good."
"what if im very very bad?" he said taking my hand again.
"still maybe someday,"i smiled,i gazed up at the stars,"yknow what--i think i have a fair idea on what you wished kanina,"
he took my hand in his palm,then looked at me,"it was you."
i grinned."i knew it,ha,"i exclaimed,then slapped him on the arm,"why did you answer me stupid? dont you know it wont come true if u say it out loud?"
he laughed softly."really?",he pulled me by the hand,"come on,its late.im taking you home.i cant let you go all by yourself,"
"Wow", i said sarcastically," i didnt know you cared."
"of course i do,dolt", he said then looked at me,"hey,about my wish,"
"yeah,what about it?"
he smiled." i think it already came true." Maybe,i thought.i had to smile too.